Authenticity

For a while I wanted to write a blog on AI as it has been changing the way we work, and its impact will be gradually greater.

If you want to apply for a job, with the help of AI it’s easy to write a covering letter, you can ask AI to work out how to tackle some tasks, to give you ideas for an analysis, fix your grammar or graphs. These are just a few very simple examples. You can get an instant answer to almost anything.

AI can help and speed up the process. It can give you answers that might otherwise take a longer time to get to on your own. It accelerates everything but it takes something away from the creative process of problem solving, of writing that covering letter for a post-doc role on your own, for putting that grant proposal together on your own or solving a mathematical problem. It is the process that helps you to learn – especially in a research context.

I would encourage you to use your own brain as much as possible, to remain authentic and find your way of doing things. In the long-term this will help you to understand your thinking processes better, you will be more confident to solve problems on your own without constantly relying on technology. It is our creativity that makes us unique. This authenticity is important – it shapes us and helps us to understand who we are and what we want to do in our lives. It enables us to understand what we are good at and be clearer about our purpose in life.

Protect your own thinking and creativity – it shapes who you are. A unique person with skills, abilities, qualities, determination and resilience. Yes, you have weaknesses, but they make you more aware of your strengths and enable you to put things into perspective. In the end – if you decide so – you can work on your weaknesses, so they become your strengths. You will do it by working, practicing and dedicating time to it.

Everything of value comes with time. There is a pathway on which you experience successes as well as low points and challenges – they are there to teach you a lot about yourself and enable you to work out a way forwards that suits you. For a good growth personally and professionally you need both. The learning process has a meaning. As Prof. Eric Klopfer from MIT said in an interview ‘productive struggle’ is needed for learning; AI can be useful but the key is that it doesn’t shortcut the learning process. The danger is that it creates ‘homogenised thought’. This takes us miles away from authenticity and leads to a space where all is the same.

Simplify your structures as much as possible. Don’t forget to use pen and paper from time to time. Keep using your brain and question things. Empower yourself. Learn how to use AI if you want and need to but keep things in check, so it’s there to support your work but not to define it or to cut the learning – otherwise it will turn your work into something that it isn’t. Something that you can’t own.

Time

Last week my son started school. It brought a lot of excitement, change and adjustment to a different routine but also awareness how time goes and how much he has grown.

We were fortunate that before school he spent three years at a wonderful nursery. It was the best place for growth, with amazing and caring teachers, many outdoor activities, an allotment and above all a head teacher who truly loves her work and gives it everything.

On the last day of nursery (after we enjoyed country dancing with the children) the head teacher gathered all parents around and gave a short speech. It was informal and very powerful. I will not go into detail, but I would like to emphasise one thing she said when talking about what we can do for our children when they start school. She said that the most important thing that we can give them is time. They don’t need anything else but our time and our attention.

This really stayed with me. There is so much truth in it. It is all about being there for our children, being present - which means putting down phones, stop scrolling, checking social media and dealing with thousands of other things.

A great Slovak writer, film director and screenwriter Eva Borušovičová who sadly passed away earlier this year said in one of her works: “We look at our phones even though our child is with us and wants to talk, we let our phone distract us while we play or talk, we carry it with us everywhere as if it were a breathing apparatus and not a communication device, we check our phones as soon as we wake up, before we hug our children, we make phone calls, text messages, read statuses on social networks even while driving, at the playground, at dinner..”

Does this resonate with you? Do you recognise any aspects of it?

Giving our children full attention, spending quality time with them, gathering experiences and having fun – these are some of the key things that will stay with them and enrich their growth (as well as ours). Time is often the most precious thing we have. We feel we don’t have enough of it but weirdly, we have exactly what we need. We just need to reorganise our priorities and reinvest time differently. For some, this might mean some big changes.

Although this blog is about spending time with your children, I would want to look at it as spending time with the people you love in general. It is also a reflection over where your time goes and an opportunity to pause – to check in if you are truly present when your children or other close ones ask you a question, want to share or show you something. Being present is one of the key things that strengthens relationships, and it has a positive impact on your wellbeing too.

Who will you give your time today?

Keep your senses in check

In our work we can face many distractions through emails, messages, phone calls and to do lists. Our senses can get very quickly overloaded and we can feel the overwhelm rising.

Feeling distracted is one of the most discussed themes that researchers bring when I speak to them. There is a lot to think about, many responsibilities and expectations to fulfil, deadlines to reach. When there is too much going on around and as distractions rise anxiety rises too. This creates a circle and the way to break it is to stop for a while and give yourself permission to be still for a moment.

In those moments I would very much encourage you to pause for a little bit and take a step back. Turn off notifications, close your inbox when you want to focus and keep only the tabs open that relate to your work. Be clear when your working day starts and when does it finish. Understand what working environment is best for you. Respect your working style and listen to what you need to focus. We are all different types of learners. Some researchers need a quiet space to work, others prefer open offices and some like to listen to music when they work. These are all options to choose from. Respect your boundaries and share them with others.

I have talked about mobiles in many of my previous blogs. They are great devices for many things but only if kept under control. Otherwise, they are the biggest distraction which can negatively affect your wellbeing - also because they have a great ability to take you away from the present moment. Put your phone down regularly. Disconnect. Instead, focus on the people around you. Go for a walk in nature. There, you can fully engage your senses which brings you fully to the now.

Over the years, martial arts have been the space for me that enables me to reset and reconnect with all my senses. It has provided stability, and I always get reminded about its importance in my life. What matters in martial arts is intension. Awareness is a great starting point with everything. When you become aware and clear of what is not working for you; you can start dealing with it.

In one of the latest talks with my karate teacher we spoke about beat and rhythm. Sometimes, we can get out of sync and we need to reset. We need to tune again into our own beat (and not somebody else’s) and reconnect with ourselves.

What enables you to reset? Is there enough of it in your life? If not, what can you do to make a change?

Making decisions

At times making a simple decision can become a challenge. You can feel stuck. There might be also quite a few decisions to make and as a result, there is a lot to deal with and to solve.

Often what is needed is to pause. Get some quiet time, take a pen and paper and write down all that is on your mind. Then start making small decisions. There is no right or wrong. The act of deciding will free your mental space and give you clarity.

I have experienced it often myself. There comes a period when I need to decide about a few things that can have an impact. I consider options and keep thinking which way to go. Fundamentally, I carry on doing this for a while without deciding.

This happened to me earlier in January when I was deciding on my working structure – when to coach, when to do personal/professional development, when to do admin, blog writing. I considered various alternatives and options, but I couldn’t decide on the final version.

I have a four-year-old son who doesn’t stop so there’s always something to do, prepare, Lego to dismantle ;) and sometimes my mind doesn’t stop thinking. However, I was recently on a train to London, and I decided that I will spend the journey working out the structure I was talking about (instead of looking at emails and other work-related things). After an hour on the train, I had almost a full structure worked out. On the way home, I polished it, and decisions were made.

I looked back at this experience, and it reminded me that sometimes we need to go on these ‘train journeys’ where there’s nowhere to go and just a quiet space to pause and reflect to make a plan. Carving that time out might not be easy sometimes but it’s always worth it. We can’t make good decisions when we are in the middle of five activities.

The key is to decide that now it’s time to make a change and give yourself a specific time for the task at hand. Commit to it and show up. It’s a start. I wanted to make some decisions by the time I arrive to London and that was my goal. Sitting on a train and looking at the countryside while making notes provided that perfect setting for me. Work out what it is that you need and create those spaces for you.

What do you need to decide on?

Simplicity

Over the weekend I looked at a book called Ikebana Unbound. I got it a while ago for my birthday – it’s about the traditional way of Japanese art of flower arranging. I feel close to Japanese culture, but I have never tried to do ikebana. It remains something for the future to explore.

Why I brought up the topic though is that ikebana is based on simplicity. One of the lines in the book says ‘what’s not present in the arrangements is as important as what is’.

I found this so powerful. It made me think how we often focus on more, on expansion, on adding (to our work, research, personal lives) but fundamentally it is simplicity that can bring us back to centre and allow us to feel connected to our inside. It is simplicity that helps us to move forwards.

Each of the flower arrangements tells a story. There is a clear focus. Behind the simplicity is deeper meaning and that also allows for greater clarity because focus is on one or few things. You don’t get overwhelmed and stay in the present moment. It feels like these are all useful lessons for our own lives.

Is there something that you can simplify right now?

Make a plan and remember you have one

A few weeks ago, the new academic year started bringing new opportunities, encounters and experiences for researchers. This includes also navigating challenges and deciding on the best possible way to work and structure your time.

One of the researchers I worked with recently told me at the end of our coaching that his key takeaway was ‘to make a plan and remember you have one’. It inspired this blog.

We make plans and think about how we want to change some of the things we do but unless this translates into real action nothing will change. Plan is crucial for starting because it gives you a template. It is a road map that you designed to enable you to get where you want to be. Here are three steps that can inspire you to get started with it:

• Set priorities and break them down into small steps

Decide on your priorities for the coming week and understand the steps that will get you there. Start from the end goal and reverse engineer. Take a pen and paper and make a handwritten list of all that needs to be done to get you there (it will be a topic of another blog why I encourage to go back to pen and paper). Breaking the bigger tasks into smaller ones will enable you to work through them in a manageable way but also to experience completion of a task when finished. This is one of the most important things for motivation but also self-confidence.

Then create blocks of time for these steps so each of them has a specific time allocated. Be clear with the tasks - for example read two specific articles; write an outline for a chapter; transcribe specific number of interviews. Vague goals such as ‘I will read’ won’t work. If your focus is on writing be concrete what you want to write about and stay with it.

• Take breaks and plan your time off

Schedule regular breaks and stick with them. I would encourage you to keep most of your breaks mobile free (no social media, emails) and rather go for a walk and get moving. You will see the difference in how you feel. Phones are great and they allow us to do many amazing things and give us access to information, however, they are a massive distraction and if not under control they can have a considerable negative impact on our wellbeing. They have the capacity to take you away from the present moment. I encourage researchers to explore having at least half a day during the weekend without using a mobile. It can be very challenging at a start but it’s all only a habit. Would you be up for it?

Decide in advance when during the week do you want to schedule time for relaxation, rest, recovery or any of your hobbies. This is crucial. Then protect this time.

• Take time to reflect and celebrate your accomplishments (even the smallest ones!)

The new routine you build for the term needs some time to settle in. Don’t look for perfection. Set something up for the week and then at the end of it reflect what worked and what you want to let go of. As you go you will polish it and filter through. It’s a step-by-step process. In a couple of weeks, you will have a solid plan that will empower you.

Pause and celebrate your achievements along the way. This is very important because it allows you to take time to acknowledge your work and effort. It’s easy to keep your focus on what hasn’t been done yet. Make a conscious effort to remind yourself of what you got done. It will motivate and encourage you.

The main thing is to commit and then show up. Get an accountability buddy on board – you can help each other to move forwards. Remember that behind everything is your purpose. Be clear what it is. That will drive you. If you need any support with the planning get in touch.

What is your plan for the Autumn term? Where do you want to be at the end of it?

The 'supermarket' moment

I devoted a couple of blog posts in the past to reflecting on a movie I saw. This time I would like to look back briefly at the ‘American Underdog’. It’s a biographical movie about Kurt Warner who was an NFL quarter back. The story has a strong message and that’s to never give up. He attempted to be drafted to NFL for long years (he sat on a bench for four) and it was considered almost impossible towards the end, but he made it.

He then played 12 years as NFL player. He is seen as the greatest NFL’s undrafted player. If you enjoy watching inspirational movies about resilience and determination, then this is the one.

At one point he was without work, so he took up a job in a supermarket – he was stacking shelves. I watched an interview with him and his wife and he was reflecting on this time. He said that everybody has their ‘supermarket moment’ where you wait for something else to happen. ‘You gotta do what you gotta do until you gotta do what you wanna do.’ Stacking shelves was not his dream but it helped him to move on. The main thing was to keep his focus on the end goal.

You might have your ‘supermarket’ moment now feeling like you are doing something you don’t really want to. I would encourage you to see it as an important part of your journey. All the dots will connect and will lead you to where you want to be. It’s important to have clarity about where you want to be and then keep at it. Start with step one. Everything is possible when you decide that this is the path you want to take. Then take action every single day towards where you want to be and a ‘bridge’ will appear. The ‘supermarket moments’ usually give you a necessary experience and you learn a lot about yourself. That self-awareness and resilience that you get through these moments is vital for your progression.

In the end, behind everything is your mindset. It can take you where you want to be or it can create obstacles and reasons why something is not going to work. Choose the first one and if you need any support with it get in touch.

What is your first step to get you where you want to be?

Imagine..

The year 2023 draws to an end. The time between Christmas and New Year offers a nice opportunity to pause a bit and reflect on the year that is finishing and think about the next steps.

If the year 2024 would be one of the best in your life, how would it look like? Can you imagine it?

We can often find it difficult to imagine a clear vision of how we would like things to be. However, being able to visualise it is the first step to make it happen. As my karate teacher recently said ‘imagination is a tool’ and so it’s important we use it as much as possible.

Today, we had a creative time with my three-year-old son. We were making a paper aquarium out of a shoe box. He was so excited about it and it was really nice to cut fish and plants out of paper and glue them in the aquarium. We had some sea stickers at home, so we added those as well. We also found some space stickers with rockets and planets. My son happily added them to the bottom of the aquarium. I tried to explain to him that these space stickers don’t belong to the aquarium, but he wanted to keep them in there saying he liked them there. He had his own vision of how his aquarium would look like, and it was to be with planets and rockets. It made me think how I limited my vision of it and realised how powerful his imagination is.

This was just a short story from today. It connected nicely to the topic of the blog. And so as this year approaches its end let’s be grateful for what it brought – the learning, the opportunities, the encounters and the experiences. Let’s embrace and accept the things that didn’t work and the challenges we faced. But fundamentally, let’s look forwards and create the best possible version of our year 2024. Give yourself some space in the next couple of days and write, draw or sketch how that picture looks like. Because if you can see it it can happen.

How does your year 2024 look like?

Taking care of yourself

The new academic year has started. It’s an exciting time for new PhD students but also those who are further down the line. The new term brings new opportunities, aspirations and also new goals to accomplish.

Self-care is vital for your success with the PhD or during your post-PhD stage (in fact, it’s vital at all times). Along the way, it can be forgotten or pushed aside because you are ‘too busy’ with other ‘more important’ things. Your PhD is a marathon and therefore you need to keep your energy levels steady for a longer time.

Here are my five suggestions on how to look after you this term:

1.      Make time for activities that you like

Having these activities will help you to reenergise and gives you ability to better engage with your intellectual work. Integrate them (e.g. exercise, running, walking, travelling, painting, going to exhibitions, rock climbing, photography) into your weekly or monthly plans so there is more balance from the start. Don’t compromise on them.

What is the main activity that relaxes you? When in the week do you make space for it?

2.      Introduce reflective time into your week

Find space 20-30min at the end of your week to enable you to pause and reflect on the week. What went well? What didn’t go according to plan and what do you need to change to make it happen? Finally, what are your three main priorities for the coming week?

Often focus is on what hasn’t been done yet and you forget all the great things that you achieved. 

When in your week is the best time for this reflective space?

3.      Set clear boundaries and say ‘no’

The main point here is to simplify your work as much as possible. You will feel when you overcommitted. Saying ‘no’ it’s not about missing out on something but it’s about saying ‘yes’ to something else.

What do you feel you need to say ‘no’ to this term?

4.      Create a routine and be consistent

Creating a routine doesn’t mean that each of your weeks will be the same and it will be rather boring. Instead, it’s about creating a framework or a roadmap that will gradually take you to your goals. A good plan also means that you don’t need to invent a new schedule for every week, but you adapt the existing one. It also enables you to be aware of your ‘best working time’, so you can protect it. Commit to certain tasks on certain days and show up. For you. Habits will help you to get the work done and that’s why consistency is key.

What are you committing to?

5.      Celebrate your successes

On your academic path you will encounter some challenges and you will need to problem solve. It’s part of the process and you will learn a lot through it for it is when we are out of our comfort zone that we grow most. When you succeed or accomplish something you value make sure you celebrate it. It can be just as simple as having a coffee/tea (or a cake :) in your favourite café or a walk in your beloved park. Often the focus can be on what’s not working, and you can forget all the great things you completed. Take consciously time for these moments because they will also increase your confidence – you will become more aware of your achievements.

How will you celebrate?

Looking back: Five years of Insolo Coaching

Yesterday - five years ago - I established Insolo Coaching and embarked on a very new journey being a self-employed coach. This blog is a brief reflection and an opportunity to say thank you to all those people who supported me along the way.

Today, I look back at the five years and I am so grateful for all the experiences and growth that they provided me with. Being able to support PhD students and Early Career Researchers enabled me to find a purpose and meaning that gave me a clear direction and it brought a lot of joy and satisfaction. I discovered how what I do now deeply connects with my nature and enables me to do something I love. When I coach, I am in flow.

At the beginning there was only an idea. It took courage to get going. There were three key people who supported me and at times ‘pushed’ and ‘challenged’ me in a positive way to say yes to a journey of discovery but also one that required focus and belief in myself. These three people were my partner, my karate teacher, and my coach. I am very grateful for everything they did for me back then and how they still continue having a positive impact on what I do.

I want to conclude this brief reflection with encouraging you to say yes to something that has been on your mind for a while, but you have found it challenging (or scary!) to get started with. Give it a go and a path with emerge. Five years ago, I didn’t know if what I had on my mind would succeed. It did. If I wouldn’t have tried it I wouldn’t have had a chance to encourage and empower so many wonderful people and learn myself.

What are you saying ‘yes’ to? What would be the first step towards it?

Insights and calmness

I have been pondering over what topic to write this blog on. A couple of things came up for me including when do we get insights/a sense of perspective and when do we experience calmness. This blog is a blend of all.

Can you remember the last time when you really experienced a sense of calmness and contentment inside you? That moment feels like a bliss - the world stops, and you are fully in the present moment connected to your senses. I experience these moments with my son and partner and also when I do martial arts or spend time in nature. There were also two experiences that stayed with me profoundly for the feeling that these brought. There are others but these two created such a strong memory that I can connect with that feeling even now years after.

The first one was back in 2015 when I visited Japan. I had so many wonderful experiences and I absolutely loved my time there. This trip was important for me on a personal level (part of self-exploration) – mainly as I travelled for 3 weeks on my own. I learnt a lot about myself and had some great learning opportunities. One of my trips was also to Kamakura where I visited the Engaku-ji temple. It’s a Zen Buddhist temple. The level of peace and harmony that I experienced there was so deep.

Then years later I experienced a deep sense of calmness and perspective when I climbed to Alcock Tarn in the Lake District with my partner. It’s not a too difficult climb – although it’s quite steep at places. But the sense of perspective that I had when we got to the top and the time spent there just ‘being’ really stayed with me.

These were just brief descriptions of my experiences. And what about you? Is there a place and time that you go back to because you experienced there something similar? If you can’t think of anything, take some time to reflect on it. If nothing comes up for you – can you think of doing something that would create an experience like this, a trip, a visit somewhere, short or long – it doesn’t matter.

Sometimes we move through life too fast, we have our routines but often this can lead to almost not paying attention (or being more on autopilot) or experiencing the feeling that every day is the same. Bring more joy into your every day. Do things, set challenges, spend time in nature, learn new skills and say yes to new opportunities.

We normally get insights in situations where we can pause, reflect, when we are fully in the moment not thinking about what was and what will be but when we are fully in the now. It is when we are calm that we get these kinds of reflections. Insights are profound because they can enable us to change the way we do things. Suddenly, we can clearly see something we couldn’t see before. Where there was no path before there is one now. Make time for you and fulfilment of the things that are important to you – no matter what these are.

Connect with your senses

Summer gives us a great opportunity to be more outdoors, enjoy the warm weather and have more fun. It also invites us to connect more with our senses and through this to re-connect with the present moment.

When was the last time you ate something truly tasty, and actually fully enjoyed all the flavours and colours of the food in front of you? That is without looking at your phone, watching TV or being distracted in any other way. We sometimes tend to do multiple things at the same time to manage everything, but we actually don’t pay full attention to anything properly and so we lose the present moment.

I would encourage you to listen more to the closest people you live with. Give them your full attention. How many times have they been telling you something and you kind of listened but also thought about what you need to sort out by the evening or what you need to buy for dinner? Actively listen to the people around you and be more aware of other sounds too.

Touch is also an important sense. Be more aware of the things you touch – for example materials, fabrics but also water. And of course, human touch is so important for our wellbeing - enjoy and experience it more with your loved ones.  

Summer is time for holidays and breaks. Everything is more vibrant. People visit different countries, go to beaches, explore different places and new cultures. These encounters bring new smells with them as well and an opportunity to engage more actively with this sense.  

And finally, really see what’s going on around you. Pay attention to the path you take and to the details on your way to work. This weekend, I would like to invite you for a walk. Wake up earlier and go to a park or forest that is nearby or go for an early morning run. If you live in a busy city centre – could you find a park nearby? You will notice that the morning atmosphere is different, all is quieter giving you an opportunity to start the day in a calm way.

Reconnecting with your senses empowers you and you feel more alive. You start to be more aware of your surroundings and take in more the beauty that is around you. There are so many wonderful things around us and paying more attention to them is vital for our wellbeing.

Where will you go this weekend?

What is your purpose?

Finding a purpose in life is crucial as it changes everything. It gives our days meaning and us a direction. It helps us to focus on a particular thing because we know that it matters. We also often feel in the flow when we work towards our purpose because it connects with something deeper in us.

When we have a purpose, we know we have another chance to make things work if initially we didn’t succeed. We know that it’s all about learning and moving forwards one step at a time. It allows us to create and through that process we grow. We also know when we lack a purpose because there is no motivation and no vision and therefore, we don’t feel inspired to move on.

An apple tree knows its purpose. When spring arrives – new leaves burst out and flowers start to bloom indicating another season, another cycle. Nature always knows its purpose demonstrating it in four different seasons. Trees, flowers and plants know what to do. It’s the same with us because we are part of nature. Deep inside us we are clear about the purpose but sometimes it can get hidden or we can lose sight of it and so lack confidence to strive for something. However, there is always a way back. We have the capacity to start anew with optimism. We always have another chance to create again.

If you are not clear about your purpose, take some ‘you’ time and have a think where you are heading and if that’s the direction you want to take. There is no better season than spring to recalibrate, take action and make things happen. Change what you need to change and by making small steps forwards you regain inspiration and as a result you will also feel more joy in life.

What is your purpose?

On the True Spirit

In the past, I wrote a couple of my blog posts as reflections on a movie I watched or a good book that I read. One of the movies that inspired me lately was ‘True Spirit’. It’s based on a book written by Jessica Watson.

‘On May 15, 2010, after 210 days at sea and more than 22,000 nautical miles, 16-year-old Jessica Watson sailed her 34-foot boat triumphantly back to land. She had done it. She was the youngest person to sail solo, unassisted, and nonstop around the world.’

The movie is about Jessica’s life and the journey that she decided to do, the incredible support from her parents and other people who believed in her. Being a parent myself, I asked my partner after we watched it: ‘how could you send your child out to the sea?’ And he said, ‘you don’t send them, you let them.’

She encountered many challenges on her journey but she did it. She had a dream and she was brave enough to do it.

Have you ever had a big dream that seemed quite impossible, so it was parked to the side? Did you always want to do something adventurous or extraordinary, but you were told it won’t work so you never tried?

Now it’s the time. In our lives we tend to regret not really the things we did but what we didn’t do. We all have some kind of calling, we all feel inspired by something or we are drawn to certain things. It’s important to follow these because they give us joy but also purpose. And as a great coach Christine Kane said it’s important to remember to take decisions from the place where you want to be and not from where you are. If you can imagine what it would be like it can happen. Surround yourself by people who support you, who have a similar mindset and start working towards it. The satisfaction that you get from accomplishing all the little steps on the way there will be profound. I am not saying that it will be easy. There will be times when you will feel challenged and fear will sneak in. But this is all fine for when we are stepping up to something bigger, we do need to face challenges. They are there to make us stronger and prepare us for the next step. We can never accomplish anything exciting and extraordinary when we stay in our comfort bubble.

What is the adventure that you are up for?

What are you going to do today as a first step towards it?

Having fun

Fulfilling my commitment to write two blogs per month – here is my second blog post in February. I had a couple of ideas on my mind (rather ‘serious’ ones that require a longer blog), but I decided to keep it short and write it on something rather unexpected.

Today my son had pancake races at his nursery. Parents were welcome to join as well. I went with him wondering how the event will go. It was great fun and a good opportunity to meet other parents and speak more to the nursery teachers. The little ones had little pans (ping pong bats were the pans) and on top of them was a pancake made from playdough. In the first race they had to run across the community hall and in their second race also run and flip the pancakes. They were divided into small groups according to age. When their races were finished it was the turn of the mums and dads. We all had to wear an apron and a hat, and we ended up laughing a lot just by looking at each other. Clearly all the parents had fun and it provided an excellent opportunity to be in the present moment.

It made me think how much space do we give to fun things in our lives? Especially later when we are older. Your week can be full of responsibilities and commitments; we have established work routines and family routines. But it’s nice to do something that is fun and a bit unexpected and there is no anticipation of a particular result. Sometimes it’s just nice to do something for fun only.

Is there anything that you could do this weekend that would bring you fun and joy?

The importance of self-care and having ‘you’ time

It has been a long time since I wrote the last blog. A lot has changed for me in the last two years or so. The biggest change came with becoming a mum. It has been one of the best things that happened to me. It also changed my lifestyle considerably. Now it’s time to reconnect with writing and share with you some thoughts on topics that might resonate with you.

Last week my very good friend wrote to me about checking my blog if anything new has been written and so I feel even more motivated to get going!

I enjoy writing blogs but I haven’t done so for over two years for different reasons but mainly it was about having a different focus and responsibilities. Now I feel like I want to go back to writing. However, doing it after such a long break is not easy so I started with making a decision that I will write two blogs per month and I put those dates in my diary. I committed. It would be of no help wanting to write more and putting pressure on me as that would not work. At the beginning I need to start slow – create a structure and some habits that will help me to get there.

From my experience with working with research students one of the main things for them to achieve their goals and enjoy the process is to break bigger tasks into smaller achievable steps. Once they experience completion, they feel more motivated and they also regain momentum.

We have different priorities at different life stages. Becoming a parent has changed a lot for me but I have also realised that it’s important to keep some space and time for me even though it might be limited. This ‘you’ time gives you opportunity to step back, reflect, recharge and energise. It has also a positive impact on everything else you do. Can you start small? For instance, could you block two 30min slots in the week for doing something you love? This might be going for a walk, reading, exercising. The main thing is that you put your phone down and don’t let yourself being distracted. If needed share it with your family so they now that during that time you can’t be doing anything else.

The tendency often is to expect of you to do 4 hours of something per week (e.g. exercise). In reality, however, this is not possible for you (at the moment) and as a result this leads to frustration that nothing gets done. But perhaps you could do those two 30min blocks as a starting point?

Whatever it is that you wanted to do – just do it. Start small and enjoy it. Choose a specific day, select a time and commit. Then show up. You will feel great after you have done it. Remember that this is just a beginning and gradually you will be able to do more and expand what you want to do.

I am starting with writing two blogs per month. My next step is going back to my karate practice and creating a better routine to enable me to train consistently.

And what is it that you would like to go back to?

Two years...

Exactly two years ago I set up my coaching business and embarked on a freelance coaching route. After years spent in full-time employment this was a massive change. It was one of the best things I have done in my life though.

Months before I took the decision to hand in my notice, I was not sure if what I was doing was the right thing but I just felt that it’s time for a change. I wouldn’t have done it without support and encouragement from the people around me even though the decision to do it was entirely up to me.

In this blog, I want to share a few things that were vital for me making that step. These can be applied not just when you decide to set up a business but whenever you are standing in front of a key decision that will inevitably change things in your life.

• Create your network: finding ‘your tribe’

There were several key people who supported me considerably with the decision – my partner, my coach and my karate teacher. I also had a mentor via a leadership development programme for women that I was taking part in at that time. These four people were critical because they empowered me to take the step, helped me to believe it will work and asked me important questions to reflect where I was then and where I wanted to be.

Therefore, surround yourself by people who encourage you, who motivate you and who see possibilities and solutions rather than obstacles and problems.

Reach out to people who have already got where you want to be and ask them questions. I have done it with several coaches, and they were all incredibly nice and supportive sharing with me advice and materials to help me started. Of course, I had my doubts at the start – what if people don’t want to talk to me? What if I shouldn’t have done this? But once you start taking steps forward your focus shifts to possibility and opportunities. You also become more creative.  

• Take courage

Courage has been something that I had to take to step forwards into uncertainty trusting that this is the right way for me. If you don’t try you will never find out. As the saying goes - in life we regret most the things that we haven’t done. So go and explore, try things that appeal and see how it works. Once you decide to make the first step the path will become clearer.

• Establish your working plan

I remember that my last working day as an employee was on a Friday and then the Monday after I was already a self-employed person sitting in my own home office. This was a big change – from open plan office being part of a team – to being on my own. That was a bit scary at the start. What really helped me was to have a structure from day one. Weeks before I finished my employment I came across the book ‘Build your business in 90 minutes a day’ by Botterill and Gladdish. The concept of block work, setting clear tasks and knowing when I start and when I finish my working day were vital for my productivity and a good start.

When there’s a change in your working pattern or you embark on a totally new route think about how you can create some structure to your days. It will help you to see purpose behind your days and by setting clear intentions you will have a framework that you can hold on to. Of course, there were days (and still are!) when I felt I was not productive at all and that’s normal. What matters is to recommit and get back to work the day after.

• Be active

When I started my business, I read lots of books, did free online courses, talked to people, set up my LinkedIn profile, established my website.. What also mattered was to explore - with the support of my coach - who I want to serve as a coach, who my ideal client is and who – not just on the basis of my own life experience – I can best support allowing me to use all my strengths and skills that put me in the so called ‘zone’.

If you want to embark on anything new, think about who you know that you can talk to about the path, what can you access and read about it. Being proactive will get you started. Reflect and then take some action steps.

• Practice, practice, practice

Starting your own business or anything new requires patience and practice. You won’t have clients set up from day one and systems established at the same time. It’s part of a process that takes some time but it will all fall into place. For me, it was about practising coaching. I have then got my first paid private client after 5 months of starting my business. I was ready. These five months gave me space and time to prepare, practice, set up things and systems, become more confident, reach out to people and raise my profile. After that all accelerated and I haven’t looked back!

I know now that I found the right place I want to be because my work as a coach fulfils me and gives me opportunities to support others to achieve their goals and ambitions. I can’t think of a better work.

• Celebrate

This is something that I have learnt from my coach and I have written about this in one of my blogs. Celebrating your achievements is really important – it allows you to pause, reflect, take stock and stay for a while with that success. This acknowledgement will help you to bring more of these into your life. It is powerful to be grateful for these steps no matter how small or big they are.

Is there something you always wanted to do or begin? Start small, make a plan and if you need support find a good coach who will empower you along the way. It will be all worth it.

I want to thank all the people who have been there since the start of Insolo Coaching – my family, friends, colleagues, coaches, supporters and all my clients who have given me an opportunity to grow and positively impact on their lives. It has been a magical journey and I look forward to the next part of it.

Impostor syndrome

I was planning to write about this topic a long time ago. Not only because it’s one of the things I experienced myself but more so as it has come up in my work with researchers very often. The feeling of not being adequate, not doing enough and other people finding out that you are a fraud and actually should not be doing this project, this PhD or teaching because you simply don’t have the right skills and there are too many other people being far better and more confident than you… or so the story goes.

Elaine Bailey, a great business and life coach, sees this syndrome as a ‘story that you are telling yourself’. There is often something that triggers it which can be linked to fear which then further leads to you giving your power away. In the end, as she says, you sabotage your own process. What matters most here is to recognise that what you are telling yourself is only a story – it’s not the truth! It’s a pattern that has been created and turned into a habit.

The key questions she invites you to ask here are: What is triggering you to feel like an impostor? When does it show up? This creates more self-awareness and you can recognise better what situations bring it up. One of the ways to deal with it is also to be kinder and more compassionate to yourself.

‘Trigger is only a trigger if it hooks you up with a story’, Elaine continues.

If you manage to recognise it, you get a chance not to be taken blindly on a journey you don’t want to be on. You have a choice – a choice to choose your own story.

If feeling like an impostor has been part of your professional or research life for a long time it probably became a habit. However, as every habit it can be changed – if you decide to do so.

Choose your own story – while being kind to yourself – and you will get to reframe the situation. This reframing opens different options and alternatives (I wrote more about reframing in this blog). It also takes you away from feeling like a victim to being a creator. Remember, it is you who creates your own life.

What story do you want to tell yourself?

What is success?

Success means different things to different people and there is no one way of defining it. The organisation you are working at, your university department, your family, the culture you were brought up in and your friends might have their own way of defining and understanding it. For them it might seem ‘the only’ and ‘the right’ way. But what success means to you is very personal.

We can associate different senses with our vision of success and what it represents. Can you pause for a second and ask yourself what success means to you? What comes up for you? Are you on the right path towards where you want to be, or does it feel like you are following somebody else’s road to success? You can always change if this is not what you want.

As Arianna Huffington writes in her book Thrive: ‘To live the lives we truly want and deserve, and not just the lives we settle for, we need a Third Metric, a third measure of success that goes beyond the two metrics of money and power, and consists of four pillars: well-being, wisdom, wonder and giving’. She continues: ‘Every conversation I had seemed to eventually come around to the same dilemmas we are all facing – the stress of overbusyness, overworking, overconnecting on social media, and underconnecting with ourselves and with one another. The space, the gaps, the pauses, the silence – those things that allow us to generate and recharge – had all but disappeared in my own life and in the lives of so many I knew.’

How much is well-being, wisdom, wonder and giving present in your life? Do you feel there is enough space and quietness?

Keeping all in balance is an art that we get better with through experience, through understanding better what matters most in our lives, what priorities we have and what values we live by. Often it doesn’t matter so much if things get off balance but how quickly we can reinstate the equilibrium that centres us in our lives – or at least come closer to it.  

How does success look, feel or smell like for you?

Research work during the summer

There are three months until the start of the new academic year and the Michaelmas term. On one side, it seems quite a long time but on the other, it will pass by quicker than you think.

Many researchers want to take a break and have time off but equally they want to make sure that they move forward with their work in some respect. In many ways, it’s about staying connected to the research and having some kind of thread going through the months leading you to the start of the new academic year.

Here are some tips that can be useful when planning your summer:

·       Starting from the result: Where do you want to be at the end of September?

Asked differently: What would you be happy with? What would you call a good summer?

Think about all that you would like to accomplish in the next three months that would put you in a good position prior to the start of October. Is there any reading, writing, researching or networking that you want to do? If yes, make a list of all ideas and thoughts that you have. Use a mind map if that works for you. Put everything down on paper without judging your thoughts or being critical to any ideas that come up.

·       Creating a bigger picture and taking action: Make a plan

Now that you know what you want to get done you have got more clarity. The next step will be to work backwards from the end of September to today – How many weeks are available? How much time off do you want to take? Is there a week or two where you won’t do any work? After this, realistically map the weeks and days that you could use. If you have another research or consulting job that you do side to side with your own research, get clear how much time you want to dedicate to both (e.g. 2-3 days to consulting and 1-2 days to PhD work).

·       Getting granular!

It’s vital to have a bigger picture and understand where you want to be in three months’ time but the next key step is to break the plan down and look at individual months, weeks and eventually days. You can have a brilliant bigger picture but if you don’t take small steps every day to get there it will just remain an idea or a vision that won’t come true.

What this also means is breaking your goals into smaller doable tasks. For example, if you say that you want to do some reading during the summer – What does it mean? Which books or journals do you want to read? Have you got a list? If you want to focus on writing a piece of research or an article, start with creating an outline and make a list of all the things that you want to do to get it done. Then you can start allocating specific tasks to specific weeks and days. What matters is to set clear parameters for your work – be clear when you want to start your working day and finish it, specify a day ahead how many working blocks you want to do and allocate tasks to them.

·       Checking in every week

Incorporate into your week some reflection. This will help you to increase your self-awareness. Look back at the whole week that passed by and take stock. What did go well? What did you achieve? What did not go according to plan and how are you going to redesign the schedule for going forwards to make it work next week?

·       Being kind to you and enjoying what you do

The general thought around PhDs is that they are hard. Often, even before you embark on a research journey, you are told to get prepared for hardship and challenges. Sure, doctorate is a demanding, complex and intellectually stimulating experience that brings blocks and problems – all of these are solvable though. It is part of the process, but you have a choice over how you deal with them – and vitally how you re-frame what happened.

Crucially, there is also space for joy. When you are feeling down and research doesn’t produce the results you wanted reconnect with your intention – Why did you start the PhD? Look for solutions, change perspectives and talk to other people around you – PhD colleagues, other academics and your supervisors. This research community will often help you to reflect and redesign your steps. Remember that you are not on your own in this – there is help and support available, but you need to take action and ask for it.

When are you making your summer plan?